


Reset: Give Me One Last Chance

by thekathlife



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Character Death, F/F, Or Is It?, Time Travel, but only for a little while
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-07-21 04:09:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekathlife/pseuds/thekathlife
Summary: "Please, don't leave me again!"If I could do it all again, I would love you better. Treat you better. I wouldn't let fear keep me from you, I swear... Lisa, please.Give me one last chance."If you lost everything you loved to fear, would you try to move on? Would you let go? Or... Would you jump into the abyss for one last chance?





	1. Loved & Lost

I think I loved her since our eyes met.

She was this tall, lanky girl with short hair that made her look like a cute boy, and who couldn't say a single word in Korean other than 'hello'. She seemed lonely at first and some trainees disliked her because she was a foreigner. She was shy at first, not being able to communicate and surrounded by people who were judging her for being a foreigner.

But the moment she started dancing? There was no shyness, no fear. She was a star and the stage was hers and only hers.

I was in awe when I first saw her dancing, my breath caught as I saw the way her body moved as if she were possessed by music itself. She shined so bright that looking at her was like staring at the sun, yet I couldn't **_-didn't want-_** to look away.

I remember staring at her unable to see anything or anyone other than her until the music stopped and she looked up -our eyes meeting from across the room- ...And in that moment I loved her.

But loving someone and knowing that you loved them were two different things.

I knew I wanted her, I knew our lives would be intertwined, I knew I wanted her in mine, but it wasn't until later that I realized just what kind of WANT I felt.

We were so young and inexperienced that knowing what love and lust felt like was beyond me, so it took me years to understand what that want, that longing I felt for her, was. And when I finally did, it terrified me.

We were still trainees when I realized I felt lust for her. She was once again dancing and I was once again staring... She was older then, had grown into her body and there was nothing boyish about her anymore... That day the choreography she had prepared was very... Sexy is really the only way to describe it and by the end of it, she was sweaty and had this fierce look on her face that I may have saved in my head for future dreams.

It was the dreams that confirmed for me that I was attracted to her that way. But that sent me into a panic attack really fast. I couldn't be having those thoughts, those feelings for her... dating in this business could mean the end of our careers before they even started! So I pushed those feelings to the back of my mind, told myself they were just a consequence only being around other girls and mostly isolated from the opposite gender.

It would pass.

I distracted myself with training and acted more like a sister to her. Acted like she annoyed me sometimes and ignored the desire to kiss her when she pouted in disappointment. I pretended I wasn't jealous when she got closer to Jisoo, Rosie or any of the other trainees. It continued like this until we finally got to debut. I ignored how thrilled I was that she would get to debut with me.

We were friends after all, so of course I was happy...

Then we were Blackpink and we were busy with performances, interviews and photoshoots. We continued to be close and I relaxed a little bit. I still would pretend to hate when she kissed my cheek, but now we would hold hands more often, we hugged sometimes and even cuddled.

But then Kai happened.

Kai happened... and it was as if a wall of ice and awkwardness had suddenly been erected between us.

She no longer held my hand and her smiles didn't reach her eyes anymore, not any she directed at me at least.

Oh, I hated it.

I missed her so much and I started growing angry and jealous of her interacting with other girls, smiling at them the way she didn't smile at me anymore. Genuinely.

I'd known she liked me, but I thought it was just a crush on her part and maybe on mine... I was so so wrong... it was during this time I realized that I liked her just as much not just physical attraction but actually liked her. Once I did and I allowed myself time to accept it, I did the only thing I could.

Kai and I were over.

Now I had to decide what to do about my feelings for Lisa. If I confessed and we started some kind of relationship, our careers could suffer maybe even end. But I didn't want our relationship to be as cold as it had become during that horrible month.

That had to stop.

One night, I impulsively snuck into her room and into her bed and just hugged her and refused to let go. "I miss this... I miss you."

She looked at me, trying to hold back her tears. "I miss you too..." she whispered back to me and we fell asleep like that. Afterwards, I finally let myself be more open with my touch, some would call me clingy even.

I touched her whenever I had the chance. Leaned my head on her shoulder if she was next to me, let her kiss my cheek with a smile. It felt so good to be so close to her...and we became more playful around each other, flirtier... but the problem was that we never really talked about it.

It wasn't coming out. We both knew there was something between us, our touches lingered more our lips edged closer each time we kissed each other's cheeks. But it remained unspoken between us. Something that could pass for just two close friends playing around.

We should have talked about it.

We should... No, **_I should have_** said something, should have kissed her, should have made it clear that I cared for her that I wanted only her.

Then maybe she'd still be here. Maybe, I would have her in my arms now instead of watching from afar as they lowered her casket into the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me! I really don't like my babies to suffer but this is necessary for the sake of the story. I'll work on some fluffy stuff too. Maybe a oneshot collection of cute and happy Jenlisa moments. 
> 
> If I do, I'll probably post them here and on Wattpad though I'm still getting used to Wattpad. The interface just seems weird to me for some reason... filtering and going through tags is nicer here. (at least to me)


	2. Goodbye Love

I closed the door of my new hotel room suite behind me.

After I left the cemetery, I knew I couldn't go back home. There was no home without Lisa. I couldn't go back to that house where we'd spent so much time together, where we'd smiled and laughed and made so many memories. Where Jisoo and Chaeyoung would try to comfort me when I knew I didn't deserve it.

I looked up and let my feet take me forward, straight to the minibar and pulled the fridge open reaching for the first bottle I saw and downing the contents. It was a small bottle and whatever was in it tasted horrible, but I drained and reached for the next one and the next and the next. I don't know how much I drank, but I just knew I needed to forget. I needed to forget how lifeless she was and how damn young and small she looked. I needed to forget the look on Jisoo's and Chae's faces when they reached us and saw Lisa's dead body in my arms.

I couldn't face them. Just like I couldn't face Lisa's mother at the cemetery knowing that I failed at protecting her, at loving her right. That lovely woman who had been nothing but kind to us had just lost her only child and it was all my fault.

I couldn't face her or the girls, because they lost her too. I took Lisa from them with my stupidity and my cowardice. They lost their daughter, their friend, their sister because...

Because, I didn't tell her, I didn't make it clear that I wouldn't choose someone else ever again. That I finally knew she was **_the one_** for me and that she had nothing to worry about. I didn't tell her I loved her, I didn't kiss her... I never showed her my love the way she deserved.

A sudden thought left me gasping for air, and I clutched at my chest as if to hold what little air I had left in me.

She died thinking I didn't love her.

She probably thought I'd been using her.

"No..." I sobbed brokenly, my legs giving out under me and my body sliding down the door as I broke completely. "No, no, no..." I cried out, angrily hitting the floor with my fists. The image of Lisa running away from me and into her death flashing through my mind.

If only I had run faster. If only I had pushed _him_ away from me faster... If only I had told him to go away instead of letting him into the house. If he hadn't held me back when she ran out. If I had reached her in time, I would have pulled her into my arms and kissed her until we both lost our breath. Then I would have told her he'd just shown up and kissed me. That I didn't want it. That I wanted her. If only, if only, if only...

_Would have, could have, should have. Didn't._

But I didn't.... what I did was destroy everything. And now she's gone and I did this. "I killed you... I killed you." I sobbed and kept hitting floor until my hands were raw and bleeding and I could no longer move my arms, now completely out of energy.

I don't know how long I lay there, but the next thing I knew two sets of arms were carefully helping me up. Guiding me to the bed as two sweet familiar voices tried to soothe me. I couldn't see them through my tears but I felt their familiar warmth and it made me cry harder.

I didn't deserve this.

I didn't deserve their love. I took Lisa from them... "I'm sorry..." I struggled to push them away. They shouldn't be helping me, they should hate me! "It's my fault! Jisoo unnie, Chae... It's my fault."

"Oh... I'm sorry, Lisa. I'm so sorry!" My vision turned black as Jisoo and Chae pulled me into their arms and cried with me. I hated myself so much in that moment... I do nothing but cause pain to the people I love.

I stopped resisting and just let darkness take over.

When I opened my eyes again, I was in bed with Chaeyoung and Jisoo sleeping right next to me. I looked at their sleeping faces and nearly broke down again. They both had dark shadows under their eyes and they looked so tired. My sisters were suffering too and they still came looking for me and cared for me. I thought noticing my hands had been bandaged while I was unconscious.

I bit my lip, holding back a sob and carefully removed myself from the bed not wanting to wake them. _They need to rest_. I thought guiltily and as silent as possible and not yet completely sober walked clumsily out of the bedroom.

On shaky legs I slowly made it to a sofa facing the balcony and sat down with my hands covering my face. What would I do now? How could I live in a world without Lisa? **_How_** could there still **_be_** a world without Lisa?

What kind of world could still exist with her gone?

 _"Your world."_ A sudden familiar voice startled me and I looked up in disbelief. And there she was, standing outside behind the glass doors that separated to room from the balcony, more beautiful than ever in a long white dress I had never seen her in before, the sun starting to rise behind her and covering her in light making her look like an angel.

"L-Lisa..." I forced my trembling body off the couch and stumbled forward, closer to her, opening the doors and nearly crashing into the floor in the process. "H-How?"

 _"I had to see you one last time."_ She smiled at me sadly and raised her hand to cup my face gently. I raised my own hand and gasped at the warmth of hers as I held it against my cheek. _"It'll be alright, Nini. Don't let your world stop because I'm gone. I'm no one special..."_

"No!" I frowned and shook my head. "Don't say that! You are special. You're everything, Lili...everything." I threw myself into her arms and sobbed as I felt her arms wrap around me. This was home. The home I had lost. "I'm sorry, Lili. I should have told you I loved you, I should have kissed you, I should have-"

I was interrupted by her lips softly and all too briefly brushing against mine.

 _"And I shouldn't have run. I should have trusted you to explain... I should have told you how I felt... it wasn't all on you, Nini."_ She cupped my face with both hands and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes for a moment basking in her impossible warmth, in her scent. _"I-I don't have much time..."_ She frowned and looked up, suddenly pulling away, her warmth fading.

 _"I'm sorry. I just wanted to say goodbye..."_ Her fading body almost completely gone now and I cried out breaking all over again. _"I love you, Jennie Kim. We'll meet again one day..."_

What?

"Lisa, no! No, no. Don't go! Stay with me, please!" I tried to clutch onto her, pull her back to me but my hands passed through her body and she looked apologetically at me. "Please, don't leave me again! I love you! Please!" I screamed desperately trying to reach her as she seemed to move farther away...

"If I could do it all again, I would love you better. Treat you better. I wouldn't let fear keep me from you, I swear... Lisa, please!" I begged sobbing lunging forward trying to keep her with me. "Give me one last chance."

 _"I'm sorry..."_ She whispered sorrowfully as she faded completely, my body passing through where she had just been and stumbling over the balcony railing. The last thing I heard was Jisoo unnie's voice screaming my name from above as I fell.

I'm sorry you had to see this. I'm so sorry.

_Lisa...wait for me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry T_T 
> 
> I hate angst, believe me this hurt a lot to write.


	3. Hell

  
_‘So this is what dying feels like...’_

It hurt.

It hurt a lot.

Almost as much as losing Lisa.

Almost.

Now my body was as broken as my heart...

And yet... I couldn’t help but feel that I’d died days earlier with Lisa. It was just that now my body was finally catching up with my dead soul and heart.

_Nini..._

Lisa?

Her voice pulled at my soul and I desperately wanted to go to her, but other than pain, I suddenly realized, I couldn’t feel anything. As if I had no body... I just existed. Suspended in nothingness. I couldn’t see anything, I couldn’t open my eyes or breathe... and why would I be able to? I was dead...

I hadn’t heard Lisa. I had _felt_ her. My soul had felt hers surely.

And for a moment I felt happiness. If I was dead, then I could be with her. Whatever there was after death, I was sure that I could find her now. I had already felt her...I could still feel her!

_I’m so sorry, Nini..._

Lisa.

I’m here. I’m here... Don’t be sorry, I’m here! We can be together! We ca--!

And she was gone... Her presence disappeared and I felt pure agony. Without Lisa, only pain was left. It felt as if I was being pulled in all directions at once. Stretched and torn apart and then crushed back together and squeezed into nothingness.

 **————————** —

“Wake up!”

A loud voice startled me into consciousness and I immediately gasped for breath. W-What? I could could breathe again... but each breath felt like fire as if air had never touched my airways before. My eyes opened and I whimpered, desperate to keep light away. The light was so bright, too bright. Painfully so. I clenched my eyes shut and my hands moved to cover my face. Even that movement hurt.

I slowly became aware of the rest of my body. The sheets scratching my skin, the ache in my bones, the pounding in my head that only got worse as that annoying voice returned.

“Dammit Kim!” The voice growled over me. “Wake the fuck up! Just because you’re YG’s favorite doesn’t mean you get to slack off, princess!” The voice sneered at me and suddenly the sheet was pulled from my body and I whimpered again.

“Shut up!” I growled back and forced my eyes open to glare at the figure standing over me. It was a familiar figure. Someone I hadn’t seen in years. Why would she be here? Where was here? Where was Lisa?

“Whatever! Just hurry up and get ready!” The girl standing in front of me glared back and stormed out of the room, leaving me staring at the door in shock. As I finally gained control of my senses I tore my eyes away from the door and looked around me. I was lying in a familiar bed, in a familiar room. Just as familiar as the girl who had just left and whose name I couldn’t quite remember. As familiar as the wide eyed girl staring back at me from the mirror across the room.

I stumbled out of bed and crashed into the floor. “Crap...” I made myself get up, wincing as my knees ached from smashing against the cold floor. Once I found some balance I carefully made my way towards the mirror and gasped. I looked different. Young. _So so young_... “What the hell is going on?” I wondered. How was this even possible? Unless...

Is that what this was? Had I been sent to hell? Did I even _believe_ in hell? Maybe I should have had more conversations about religion with Chaeng.

YGent was my version of hell? Being a trainee again?

That actually made so much fucking sense.

But, if I was a trainee again...

“Lisa!” My eyes widened and my heart started pounding hard in my chest. So hard it was almost painful. My body trembled with fear and excitement and I had to lean against the wall for support.

Was Lisa here? If she was then this could not be hell. Maybe... I may not have had religious conversations with Chaeng, but Lisa did tell me about her beliefs. She was a Buddhist and believed in rebirth after death.

Was this what this was then? Some form of rebirth? Not a new life, but maybe a _new chance_ at life?

I gathered my strength and let my memories guide me through the room finding some clothes and quickly throwing them on, before I left the room however, I rushed into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth... thoughts of kissing Lisa the moment I saw her filling my mind.

If Lisa was here, I was _**not**_ going to kiss her with bad breath.

It sounded silly.

And I was sure my Lili wouldn’t have cared anyway. But...I was so scared. Would she be here? Would she be glad to see me?

No. Stop this.

Fear took her from me. I would not let it stop me again...

I left the room and feeling a little more put together. I had to find her. I searched for her everywhere, but couldn’t find her among the familiar faces of trainees I hadn’t seen in years. She wasn’t in the cafeteria, she wasn’t in the practice rooms.

No.

Lisa, come on!

She had to be here.

But she wasn’t and when I saw a trainee I remember leaving before Lisa joined us I panicked. Was I wrong about having another chance? Was I really in hell then? Was I supposed to be here forever _without_ Lisa? YG must be fucking laughing at me wherever he is.

“I can’t believe they’re bringing a foreigner here!” An incensed whisper caught my attention just as I was about to burst into tears.

“Me neither!” Another scandalized voice said. “And from Thailand of all places!” A blonde girl, who I immediately focused on, said sounding disgusted. And just like that feelings of elation and anger rushed to the surface as hope returned to my body.

Lisa wasn’t here.

But she could be soon... And they were already looking down on her!

So I stalked towards the group of girls gossiping and got their attention. “What did you just say about a foreigner?” I asked, all the while glaring at this girl who thought herself so much better than someone, whom I hoped with all my soul was my Lili, because of the place she was born in and already dared to look down on her without even meeting her!

The group went quiet and looked back at me both as if afraid I was about to kill them, which I was actually considering to be perfectly honest, and in awe that I was talking to them.

“Well?” I snapped at them frustrated. I had forgotten about the whole YG princess thing. They either hated me and felt intimidated or were crushing and trying way too hard to get in my good graces. I was not having it. Screw this. Screw them and YG. I just wanted my Lisa back!

“T-They’re br-bringing some girl from Thailand.” The girl gulped and answered with a stutter. “A-A dancer... b-but don’t worry she’s probably terrible.” The girl laughed slowly becoming more confident. She probably wanted to show off to the great Jennie Kim. I thought disgusted. “I wonder who she had to do some special favors to so she could get a spot here.” She smirked at the implication and I wanted to fucking slap the smirk off her face.

“Shut the fuck up.” I growled instead. If Lisa was coming soon, then it wouldn’t do to beat this bitch up and get thrown out of the company. “You haven’t even met her and have no right to judge her, just because that’s probably how _you_ got in.” I glared at here with all the anger I could muster and it must have been a lot because she whimpered and ran out of the room with her friends.

The room had gone quiet and I glared at the girls staring at me, before storming out of the room. Just as I left, I noticed one of the trainers nod at me approvingly.

As if I had done it to get approval. I thought, fuming with anger. How dare they say those things about her Lisa!? Lisa of all people! They didn’t even know her. Lisa was amazing. She was so kind and hard working and disciplined! And to even imply that she had done some kind of dirty thing to get to come here! Lisa would never do something like that! And to even say that of a 14 year old girl who...

Oh.

I stopped walking and just stood there frozen in shock in the middle of the thankfully empty hallway. Lisa was 14 years old... she was just a child. A child who didn’t know me. A child who was not yet my Lisa and wouldn’t be for years... _‘if ever_.’ I thought clutching my chest, as if I could keep my heart from breaking.

This _was_ hell.

 **—————————**  
****—————————****  
**AN: I'm so sorry Jennie. You'll have to wait for her, baby.**

 **Ugh, I really hate making you all suffer so just hold on for a bit while I make it better**. **Still I hope you liked this chapter even though it was a little rushed and written in my phone. I might edit it later.**


	4. Dying Again

I don't know how I made it through that day. I don't know how I managed to attend training and not just burst into tears and cry all day.

I barely registered the stares I got from trainees and trainers alike after the sessions. But I must not have screwed up because one of the trainers, the one from before, approached me as I was leaving dance practice and said I'd done well.

I just nodded and left, just wanting to be alone. I ended up back in my dorm room. Back in the bed I had awoken in that morning...

Awoken from death?

From a dream?

A vision?

I had no idea and it was driving me mad. How had I ended up back in my teenage body?  
If this was some kind of afterlife then maybe I'd get to see Lisa... Or not if it was indeed hell I had found myself in.

But... That's the thing, really. I felt alive. Pinching myself hurt, breathing was a thing as well. I tried not breathing and it did _not_ work. Don't ask. Please don't.

So if I was not, in fact, dead... then what had all of that been? My life, or what I remembered as my life in the last few years? Lisa, Jisoo unnie, Rosie? Had Blackpink been a dream? Had I never met any of them? Were they just people I made up in my mind?

Just the thought broke my heart. How could all of that have been a dream? They couldn't be a dream. They were my family, and I was damn sure Lisa was the love of my life.

I refused to believe they weren't real.

If it had been a vision of the future, and there was a trainee coming from Thailand after all. A dancer even. Then it had to be Lisa. No one else was acceptable and if it wasn't her then there was no way I would stay at YGent.

If Lisa wasn't there, then I would go find her.

' _And then what? She's still 14!'_ I groaned in annoyance at my own mind. That was another thing that had been bothering me. What would I do when Lisa arrived? She wouldn't know me and it's not like I could just woo her or something. For one thing, I remembered she would not even be able to understand Korean. I did know a little more Thai than I did originally...

But that meant nothing, because she was so young and however I had ended up in this strange situation the fact was that I wasn't a 15 year old girl. Even if it had all been a vision, I still felt in my twenties in my mind. It would be like taking advantage of her...

It was Lisa though.

I would wait for her forever if necessary. And I knew that it would be torture, but I'd do it anyway...I'd do anything for her.

 _'I guess I do know what to do after all.'_ I smiled sadly to myself. A lone tear making its way down my cheek, but I ignored it even as others joined and all the pain, fear and hope I had been feeling in the last few hours, days, months? I didn't even know how long, but I released all those feelings with each tear and I think I needed to let it all out if I had any chance to act normal the next day.

Lisa would be here soon and I had to make sure she was okay. Something like a plan began to form in my mind that night. I might not be able to be with Lisa from the beginning, but I would make sure to _be there for her_. Make her stay in Korea happier if I could. I'd support her from day one and while I wouldn't make any romantic advances on her until she was a lot older, I wouldn't reject hers or pretend her crush on me annoyed me.

_'Just be there for her and work out the rest later.'_

That is if there was a later and I wasn't stuck in hell. I buried my face into my pillow and used it to muffle a scream. This was an incredible frustrating situation...

.  
.  
.  
.

I must have fallen asleep at some point, because next thing I knew I heard an alarm go off and it startled me so much I fell off the bed making me groan in pain as my side crashed into the floor.

 _'Guess loud noises still get to me.'_ I thought embarrassed at my reaction as for the second time in as many days I had to get myself off the floor.

It was time to face the day. I decided as I got ready for training... Huh to be a trainee again. Considering the reaction I got the day before, my body knew what to do even if my mind wasn't in it. And well I had trained for over half a decade and been an idol for three years, so getting through practice should be easy enough... I hoped so at least.

If I got kicked out before Lisa arrived I would find YG and kick his ass.

Once I was done getting ready I went out to meet the other trainees on the way to training. I did notice that girl from earlier -the one who insulted my Lili- was avoiding me. _'Good. Stay away from me and I won't have to punch your face.'_

When we finally got to the dance room I froze. The staff member from before was there and gathering everyone for an announcement.

"This is Lalisa Manoban from Thailand. She will be joining us starting today..." He said more but I didn't pay attention to his words, because standing next to him -apple hair and long limbs- was Lisa. Young shy Lisa, looking like a namdongsaeng just like I remembered from the first time.

And all I wanted to do was run away. I think that I would have if I had been able to move.

The last time I saw Lisa _alive_ she had been running away from me. The last time I thought I saw her she was _dead_ and probably an illusion my mind conjured and it all ended with me falling.

Dying.

Seeing Lisa alive again... I shouldn't feel like that. It shouldn't hurt so much.

I thought I had accepted that she'd be too young. That she wouldn't know me but... now seeing her. Meeting her eyes with mine and seeing no recognition.

...It just hurt

It felt like dying all over again.

  
_**\-----------** _  
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_**AN : And my heart hurts now. Sorry again about this. I hope things will get better in the next couple of chapters.** _

_**Please stick with me and don't forget to leave your comments and kudos. It really makes my day.** _

__


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